Saturday, June 19, 2010
Tired...
9.15am right now, i have to prepare myself to work already. In 5G there, i still have many thing that not familiar with. Have to learn hard and work hard make it to use to it.
Working
Erm... been so long time did not work as part timer already. Today, i am working in Ipoh Parade 5 gallery there~ There have nothing much to learn, nothing much to work also. It is just stand and serve for the customers only. Tired now, have to take shower and rest soon, good nite ya^^
Friday, June 18, 2010
Because of Money
I am very sad today. Friday should be a nice and joyful day for students, it's because of the coming Saturday is holiday what. But, i am so 'damn' sad today. Story is start from when i was heading to Ipoh.
Around 2.30pm, my mom deal with me that, she will give me RM50 for renew license. Actually renew for my driving and motor license for 2 years need RM60 + RM10 for photo taking. Because of i think to renew at Ipoh JPJ there. So that, the license will be with photo. But my mom ask me to renew at post office, and it's easier for me. Did you guys know that, i am super forgetful and lost my stuff very easy. That's why i reject my mom's idea, because of it's need me to keep 2 card.
Then, it's fine. I don't want to argue too much, RM50 better than nothing, right? I just spend my own RM20, consider as ok and fair what. That's my own license, suppose i have to pay for it. But, where could i get the money? What i have to say, that is "Mother, you just give me RM60 a week, what did you or how did you want me to do? i have class from Monday to Friday, everyday by bus have to spent RM4.50 for both journey as well. RM22.50 been spent out for this 5 days already, and i still take my lunch in college, i don't want to spend much on it~ just count that as RM5 per day, RM25 goes offed already.
RM47.50 already spent on it~ so that i just left RM12.50 now, i still have to reload my handphone, to get my stationary, tea with friends(optional-usually just RM1). I really have nothing much to left right now. Some more, my shoes is broken, have to get a new one for school. You though i am God is it?
You promised me that will sponsor me that RM30 to get a new shoes. OK, once my mom give me the RM50, n i ask for where is the RM30 with joking condition. And she was like 'end of the world' condition answer me~ "wah, i give you RM50 still ask for RM30 ar" Mom, if i have sufficient of money, surely will never ask from you. Some more i am still a student here. Fine, i get my part time job already, although it's not that high in wages. But i think still ok.
You son, my brother just only form 1 and who NEVER study as well, you blame to the school, and said those teachers who are no responsibility to take care of students which is in bad results class. Did you ever ask your son, does him really study in school, and does him ever pay attention in the class. Once he say wanna transfer to 'Pei Yuan Private School' my parents were 100% support and registered on the spot. They charge my mom for middle add in RM200, textbooks RM200+, registration fees RM300+ and so on... Then you knew that your son is DON'T want to study kind of person, why still spent him in it. And now come to me, said i am keep on wasted you money. HEY, i am pay my fees by LOAN ok. What i want, i have to double even trible hardwork to get my stuff. My brother just simply spoke out then get it. For me, IT IS UNFAIR. Your Daughter, wanna go to Saraawak travel, and didn't pay you the astro fee, you act kind front of people and said "it's fine and be happy there."
Did you ever care of my feeling, your lovely husband, when i was form 2 already told me, when you get to work, pay me RM800 monthly and i am no need to work any more. Now even worse, ask me about, will you care me or not if i am OLD, and no 1 want me to work with? Sorry, i might reject your request! Some people say, they are still your parents and i have to take care on it. In this 21 years, when did i really happy? Only money will talk to me, i knew that you both wont spent on my, i keep on silent, and can't get what i want then during work and work hard to get it. Now, you scold me, said i am too much and keep on count with you, always ask you for money. Fine, the time for me to work out of this state, i will never come back! If you wanna say that i am COLD BLOOD, it's all about you both done to me! Is you both TEACH me everything. I tell you that i am gay, you both and daughter LAUGH at me~ fine. Everything you did to me, i will just forget about it. About this family, i can only say "Forget About It" too. My heart was so damn tired in this 21 years. I wan to rest and i have to rest now. I promised to my self, i can't cried any more. I have to USED my own Hand to make a NEW life. I want to survive. I do not want to be lose. I don't wan a money minded family.
Around 2.30pm, my mom deal with me that, she will give me RM50 for renew license. Actually renew for my driving and motor license for 2 years need RM60 + RM10 for photo taking. Because of i think to renew at Ipoh JPJ there. So that, the license will be with photo. But my mom ask me to renew at post office, and it's easier for me. Did you guys know that, i am super forgetful and lost my stuff very easy. That's why i reject my mom's idea, because of it's need me to keep 2 card.
Then, it's fine. I don't want to argue too much, RM50 better than nothing, right? I just spend my own RM20, consider as ok and fair what. That's my own license, suppose i have to pay for it. But, where could i get the money? What i have to say, that is "Mother, you just give me RM60 a week, what did you or how did you want me to do? i have class from Monday to Friday, everyday by bus have to spent RM4.50 for both journey as well. RM22.50 been spent out for this 5 days already, and i still take my lunch in college, i don't want to spend much on it~ just count that as RM5 per day, RM25 goes offed already.
RM47.50 already spent on it~ so that i just left RM12.50 now, i still have to reload my handphone, to get my stationary, tea with friends(optional-usually just RM1). I really have nothing much to left right now. Some more, my shoes is broken, have to get a new one for school. You though i am God is it?
You promised me that will sponsor me that RM30 to get a new shoes. OK, once my mom give me the RM50, n i ask for where is the RM30 with joking condition. And she was like 'end of the world' condition answer me~ "wah, i give you RM50 still ask for RM30 ar" Mom, if i have sufficient of money, surely will never ask from you. Some more i am still a student here. Fine, i get my part time job already, although it's not that high in wages. But i think still ok.
You son, my brother just only form 1 and who NEVER study as well, you blame to the school, and said those teachers who are no responsibility to take care of students which is in bad results class. Did you ever ask your son, does him really study in school, and does him ever pay attention in the class. Once he say wanna transfer to 'Pei Yuan Private School' my parents were 100% support and registered on the spot. They charge my mom for middle add in RM200, textbooks RM200+, registration fees RM300+ and so on... Then you knew that your son is DON'T want to study kind of person, why still spent him in it. And now come to me, said i am keep on wasted you money. HEY, i am pay my fees by LOAN ok. What i want, i have to double even trible hardwork to get my stuff. My brother just simply spoke out then get it. For me, IT IS UNFAIR. Your Daughter, wanna go to Saraawak travel, and didn't pay you the astro fee, you act kind front of people and said "it's fine and be happy there."
Did you ever care of my feeling, your lovely husband, when i was form 2 already told me, when you get to work, pay me RM800 monthly and i am no need to work any more. Now even worse, ask me about, will you care me or not if i am OLD, and no 1 want me to work with? Sorry, i might reject your request! Some people say, they are still your parents and i have to take care on it. In this 21 years, when did i really happy? Only money will talk to me, i knew that you both wont spent on my, i keep on silent, and can't get what i want then during work and work hard to get it. Now, you scold me, said i am too much and keep on count with you, always ask you for money. Fine, the time for me to work out of this state, i will never come back! If you wanna say that i am COLD BLOOD, it's all about you both done to me! Is you both TEACH me everything. I tell you that i am gay, you both and daughter LAUGH at me~ fine. Everything you did to me, i will just forget about it. About this family, i can only say "Forget About It" too. My heart was so damn tired in this 21 years. I wan to rest and i have to rest now. I promised to my self, i can't cried any more. I have to USED my own Hand to make a NEW life. I want to survive. I do not want to be lose. I don't wan a money minded family.
Monday, May 31, 2010
complicated feeling...
Fifth semester already start, today is first class in this semester. I was thinking about the training stuff for so long. I am just think of where and which hotel that suitable me. I been think for so many hotel before, but at last i hope that go to Genting for training as well. There are few advantages and disadvantages. Let talk about the Disadvantages, there will be work load vary. Work like crazy, nothing much experience to gain, cold weather make my skin gone dry and my lips bleed. My nose will much easily get bleed too. Advantages will be it's provide lodging, meal, bonus, cold weather which is i like, have chances to hop over Singapore Genting.... I am still suffering >.<
Saturday, December 12, 2009
I love you
What a long time do not update to my blog here. An unhappy thing been happen to me again. My heart is deeply hurt by some one. The one who i love is a very nice guy, he is very caring and lovely. I do to Love him very much, but 2009 Dec 10, he sms to me and told me that 'can we be a good friend.' I knew him from internet with Tagged webpage. I still remember first day we know each other, if i am not mistaken it was nearby end of Jun 2009. Firstly, we do msn every day and i am very lucky that he will be back to home town too. He ask me from msn, would you like to meet me as well. I was like so exciting and answer to him, ya sure. He is looking cute from msn's cam. Once we meet, it was like super different from cam there. And he is very handsome for me.
We are started attach. He is caring enough. But he did ask me for a question, erm... is that we are attach too fast and rush? i told him, No! It's not, i do to love you. No matter the condition is going to be tough, i will still be your side. I am REALLY love you. I even told him when we are argue, argue mean to something happen. If problem occur between of us, we need to solve it as well. Because we are a couple, nothing can break our relationship.
Dec 10th 2009, he was send me a message. It's mean to asking me to be friend with him. I was crying on that day, why would it going to be. He is scold me before, he said i am very hot temper and super emotion. I am just thinking, because of i am loving you and caring you only will worry until angry. Am i really love to being that, IT'S NOT. 11th Dec 2009, he came to look for me, and bring some calender to me. It's from Genting. I bring him back to my bed room and siting face to face with him. I am shock because of he is Crying in front of me. I though he is still loving me. And who know, he told me he had a new boy friend out side. I am keep asking, does him working in Genting too? he said yes. I am continue asking, how long you both been together. He answer, just few day.
I am just wonder WHY?? I with him been 5 months, and i will lose to a guy who just knew few days??? The much hurt i get after knew that. But, i am still very love you Xyven.
I can't found any point for myself to stay alive. If i choose for the 'Last Choice' and i will not be here. I do hope to donate out all my organ for others. My wallet there got a Organ Donate card, wish you all let my mum know if i am not here and respect to my idea. I love you friends. I am really love you all very much.
We are started attach. He is caring enough. But he did ask me for a question, erm... is that we are attach too fast and rush? i told him, No! It's not, i do to love you. No matter the condition is going to be tough, i will still be your side. I am REALLY love you. I even told him when we are argue, argue mean to something happen. If problem occur between of us, we need to solve it as well. Because we are a couple, nothing can break our relationship.
Dec 10th 2009, he was send me a message. It's mean to asking me to be friend with him. I was crying on that day, why would it going to be. He is scold me before, he said i am very hot temper and super emotion. I am just thinking, because of i am loving you and caring you only will worry until angry. Am i really love to being that, IT'S NOT. 11th Dec 2009, he came to look for me, and bring some calender to me. It's from Genting. I bring him back to my bed room and siting face to face with him. I am shock because of he is Crying in front of me. I though he is still loving me. And who know, he told me he had a new boy friend out side. I am keep asking, does him working in Genting too? he said yes. I am continue asking, how long you both been together. He answer, just few day.
I am just wonder WHY?? I with him been 5 months, and i will lose to a guy who just knew few days??? The much hurt i get after knew that. But, i am still very love you Xyven.
I can't found any point for myself to stay alive. If i choose for the 'Last Choice' and i will not be here. I do hope to donate out all my organ for others. My wallet there got a Organ Donate card, wish you all let my mum know if i am not here and respect to my idea. I love you friends. I am really love you all very much.
Friday, August 21, 2009
代替品
没有了爱的感觉不敬是孤单，甚至是寂寞的开始，有如同掉进一个无底深潭般的。但是，我总觉得没有爱比有爱的舒服的。为什么我会着呢说呢... ... 我就先来解释一下我自己的需要。我本人是一个绝对型自私的人（在爱情里)我往往会希望我的另一半天天伴与我的身边于左右。也许，我的目标不是女性，打个比方说~女性天生于长情，几乎比较转情和不易再挑目标(意思指不会烂交），所以天天提心吊胆，甚至会有着多余的空想。我的空想是担心他会跑去其他人身上寻找娱乐，我这圈子在所难免会有这样的事情发生。就算发生了，也只不过是家常便饭似的。我也清楚自己不帅也不是什么副家公子。所以，我会时常说‘爱情=金钱+性爱+样子’。我所提到的通通都没有。埃，真是可怜的小鬼呀。
在前几天，我再网络上认识了一个人，在msn上不怎么放自己的照片，但还好他会开视讯。感觉他好好的，我发脾气他会拨电给我，和我聊使我开心的。不久，他回Kampar放假了，他约我去见个面和聊咯，我也答应了。说起来，我也大概两年多没有见网友了。当我看见他时，我会有着很紧张的心情呢！他很帅，笑起来更甜的很，我实在用不着任何形容词曲形容他。第二天，我比较懒惰出去，所以叫他来我家座座较好。当他来到时，他的却是座，但是在我的房间咯，他发觉我不感看他的眼神了，就不断弄我，好像突然伸个头来啦，或是用近距离望我呢！就是因为它太可爱德关系，我很想抱他的。就在我无法控制自己的时候，当他把头伸前来弄我就亲了他。很怀念的感觉回来了，那就是他把我抱紧。应该是太激动吧，眼泪掉了，因为太久没有那感觉了。就从那晚，我对他有了感觉。然后，第三天，他说会和他的朋友去Pangkok岛玩。当时，心情有些忐忑不安，不懂他的朋友是男是女。他会乱来吗？他的朋友会乱来吗？但是，那么近应该也不会有什么事情的。当天，他突然信息我，说道‘我的朋友把我骗了，现在我已经看见槟城的大桥了’。这时，心情开始差了。不久，他又来一封信息，说道会和朋友去clubing。据我所知，槟城是在大马排行第三多gay的州属。这次残了，我多余的空想又开始和我开玩笑了。接着的第二天，他还没回来，甚至到海边了。然后，第三天才回。不过，第三天也会去ipoh那里clubing呢！我的心突然有一种像是没有心跳的感觉。我很担心，我怕我会把他当成代替品。我的初恋。我应该继续爱他吗？或者把它忘掉呢？他会是个playboy吗？或者是每当我遇到爱情就变成天真吗？还是我想得太多吗？Gay的世界是在让我有些恐惧感了，如果说我这次再被骗的话，爱这个字就应该不可能再次出现在我的心中了。开始讨厌自己了，为什么我会是gay呢？（我的华语很差哦，应该会写错很多字的，我现在此说声抱歉哦）
在前几天，我再网络上认识了一个人，在msn上不怎么放自己的照片，但还好他会开视讯。感觉他好好的，我发脾气他会拨电给我，和我聊使我开心的。不久，他回Kampar放假了，他约我去见个面和聊咯，我也答应了。说起来，我也大概两年多没有见网友了。当我看见他时，我会有着很紧张的心情呢！他很帅，笑起来更甜的很，我实在用不着任何形容词曲形容他。第二天，我比较懒惰出去，所以叫他来我家座座较好。当他来到时，他的却是座，但是在我的房间咯，他发觉我不感看他的眼神了，就不断弄我，好像突然伸个头来啦，或是用近距离望我呢！就是因为它太可爱德关系，我很想抱他的。就在我无法控制自己的时候，当他把头伸前来弄我就亲了他。很怀念的感觉回来了，那就是他把我抱紧。应该是太激动吧，眼泪掉了，因为太久没有那感觉了。就从那晚，我对他有了感觉。然后，第三天，他说会和他的朋友去Pangkok岛玩。当时，心情有些忐忑不安，不懂他的朋友是男是女。他会乱来吗？他的朋友会乱来吗？但是，那么近应该也不会有什么事情的。当天，他突然信息我，说道‘我的朋友把我骗了，现在我已经看见槟城的大桥了’。这时，心情开始差了。不久，他又来一封信息，说道会和朋友去clubing。据我所知，槟城是在大马排行第三多gay的州属。这次残了，我多余的空想又开始和我开玩笑了。接着的第二天，他还没回来，甚至到海边了。然后，第三天才回。不过，第三天也会去ipoh那里clubing呢！我的心突然有一种像是没有心跳的感觉。我很担心，我怕我会把他当成代替品。我的初恋。我应该继续爱他吗？或者把它忘掉呢？他会是个playboy吗？或者是每当我遇到爱情就变成天真吗？还是我想得太多吗？Gay的世界是在让我有些恐惧感了，如果说我这次再被骗的话，爱这个字就应该不可能再次出现在我的心中了。开始讨厌自己了，为什么我会是gay呢？（我的华语很差哦，应该会写错很多字的，我现在此说声抱歉哦）
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
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